Social Anxiety

All Eyes On Me: When Connection Feels Like a Threat

We all feel nervous in social situations from time to time. But for some, the fear goes much deeper.

If social interactions feel overwhelming, if your mind replays every conversation long after it’s over, or if you avoid socialising altogether—not because you don’t want to connect, but because it feels unsafe—you may be experiencing social anxiety.

And you’re not alone.

What Is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is more than shyness or introversion. It’s an intense fear of being judged, criticised, rejected, or embarrassed—often in everyday, low-risk situations like making a phone call, attending a meeting, or speaking in a group.

This fear can show up in three phases:

• Before: dread, overthinking, rehearsing what you’ll say

• During: racing heart, nausea, tension, hyper-awareness

• After: replaying the interaction, self-criticism, rumination

Social anxiety can be exhausting—not because you don’t care, but because you care so much.

How It Might Show Up (Even If You Don’t Realise It)

Social anxiety doesn’t always look obvious. It can sneak in under the radar, especially when it’s been part of your life for a long time. You might notice:

• Avoiding eye contact or public spaces

• Cancelling plans at the last minute

• Procrastinating on calls, emails, or speaking up in meetings

• Replaying conversations over and over, wondering what you said “wrong”

• Worrying about being a burden, awkward, or too much

And while these behaviours might feel like “just how I am,” they often have deeper roots.

Where Does Social Anxiety Come From?

Social anxiety often has multiple origins, and understanding them can be the first step to shifting them.

1. Autism and Neurodivergence

Social anxiety is common among autistic individuals—but not because there’s something wrong with them.

Autistic people often experience social interactions differently. Things like unspoken social rules, sensory overload, or being expected to “mask” (hide autistic traits) can lead to repeated feelings of rejection, misunderstanding, or overwhelm.

Over time, this can condition the brain to associate social settings with threat, not safety—especially in environments where differences weren’t supported.

2. Childhood Trauma and Early Experiences

Growing up in environments where love felt conditional, mistakes were punished, or emotions weren’t welcomed can deeply shape how we feel in relationships later on.

If you learned that being yourself wasn’t safe—or that you had to perform, please, or stay small to stay accepted—social situations may still trigger those survival patterns.

Even subtle forms of trauma, like chronic criticism or emotional neglect, can contribute to a persistent fear of not being “good enough” in the eyes of others.

3. Temperament + Environment

Some people are more sensitive or attuned to others’ emotions and reactions—which isn’t a flaw, but a natural temperament. In validating environments, that sensitivity becomes empathy. In critical or chaotic ones, it can become hypervigilance.

The Cost of Social Anxiety

Social anxiety isn’t “just in your head.” It can have real, lasting effects on:

• Your friendships and romantic relationships

• Your career or education

• Your mental and physical health

• Your ability to express yourself and feel authentic

But most importantly, it can leave you feeling alone—even in a room full of people.

So, What Can Help?

The good news is that social anxiety is treatable. With the right support, your nervous system can learn that social situations don’t have to feel like a threat. Healing is absolutely possible.

Here are a few starting points:

1. Self-awareness over self-blame

Instead of beating yourself up for “overreacting,” get curious. What’s really going on underneath? Is the fear rooted in past rejection? A sensory issue? A learned belief about your worth?

Awareness is the foundation of change.

2. Regulate before you socialise

Tools like deep breathing, grounding exercises, scripting out what you want to say, or choosing low-sensory environments can help calm your nervous system and make social settings feel less intense.

It’s not cheating—it’s supporting your nervous system.

3. Challenge the “rules”

So many of us are carrying around unspoken rules: I must be interesting. I can’t say the wrong thing. I have to look like I’m coping.

Ask yourself: Whose rules are these? Are they actually true?
What would change if you gave yourself permission to be human instead of “perfect”?

4. Start leaning in to valued social situations, and stop avoiding

Start small, stay consistent.

Challenge yourself gently. Say hello to the barista. Join a small group activity. Little moments of courage add up.

Therapy Can Help You Feel Safer in Social Spaces—and in Yourself

Whether your social anxiety is linked to neurodivergence, past trauma, or simply feeling misunderstood for most of your life, you deserve support.

In therapy, we’ll explore:

• The roots of your anxiety

• How it shows up in your body, thoughts, and behaviour

• What safety, connection, and authenticity look like for you

• Practical tools to help you show up in the world with more confidence—and less fear

If this resonated, we’d love to hear from you.
You don’t have to keep hiding, overthinking, or shrinking yourself to feel safe.
Click here to get in touch or follow us on Instagram for more support and insight.