Procrastination

Written By Gemma Mestroni

Why We Delay, What’s Really Going On, and How to Work With It (Not Against It)

“I'll do it later.” — Every human, ever.

We’ve all said it. Sometimes about laundry. Sometimes about life-changing goals. And even when we really want to do the thing… we just don’t.

But here's the truth: procrastination isn’t a sign that you're lazy or broken. It’s a sign that something deeper is happening.

In this post, we’re digging into what procrastination really is, how it shows up in unexpected ways (yes, even when you’re being productive), and why things like fear of failure, perfectionism, and ADHD can drive the cycle. We'll also explore kind, practical strategies—ones that are trauma-informed and neurodiversity-affirming—so you can start working with your brain, not against it.

Not Just Laziness: What Procrastination Really Is

Let’s bust the myth right off the bat: procrastination isn’t about being lazy. In fact, it’s usually the opposite. Many chronic procrastinators care deeply about doing things well. So deeply that it becomes paralyzing. Suddenly its all or nothing.

Procrastination is an emotional regulation strategy.
It’s our brain’s way of saying, “This task feels scary, overwhelming, or impossible right now.” So we soothe ourselves by doing something else—scrolling, cleaning, binge-watching The Office for the fifteenth time.

Sound familiar?

Procrastination in Disguise: The Sneaky Ways It Shows Up

Think procrastination only looks like lying on the couch doing nothing? Think again.

  • Productive Procrastination – Cleaning your entire apartment instead of replying to that email.

  • Endless Research – You're deep in the YouTube wormhole, convincing yourself you're just "getting prepared."

  • Perfectionist Planning – You've got color-coded Trello boards and detailed outlines... but no actual work has been done.

  • Freezing – Feeling so overwhelmed that you go completely blank. (Hello, executive dysfunction!)

It’s giving ✨ avoidance with a side of guilt ✨—and you’re not alone in this.

Why We Really Procrastinate: Fear, Perfectionism, and Brains That Work Differently

Here are some of the most common emotional and neurological drivers behind procrastination:

Fear of Failure

What if I try and fail? What if I’m not good enough? Avoidance becomes protection. If I don’t try, I can’t mess it up. (Or so the brain thinks.)

Perfectionism

Also known as: “If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother starting?” This can turn into endless tweaking, over-planning, and... never actually doing the thing.

This is that all-or-nothing behaviour.

Low Self-Worth

If you don’t believe you’re capable or deserving of success, procrastination can become a form of self-sabotage. It feels like control, but it’s really fear in disguise.

ADHD: It’s Not Just a Focus Problem

For folks with ADHD, procrastination is often tied to executive dysfunction—difficulties with things like starting tasks, prioritizing, time management, and staying on track.

It’s not about trying harder. It’s about wiring. Chances are, if you’re dealing with executive dysfunction, you’ve been trying harder than most people around you to do the “simple” things forever - trying hard is not the issue!

The ADHD Procrastination Cycle: Cue Chaos

If you’ve ever felt stuck in this loop, you are not alone:

  1. The Task Appears – You want to do it… but you don’t.

  2. Avoidance Mode – You distract yourself with anything and everything else.

  3. Guilt Kicks In – Now you’re not only behind—you feel like a failure.

  4. Deadline Panic – Adrenaline hits, you crash through the task at the last minute.

  5. Burnout + Regret – You swear next time will be different. Income feelings of guilt and shame.

Rinse. Repeat. Crash. Reboot.

This cycle isn’t because you’re lazy—it’s because your brain operates on urgency, not importance. The dopamine doesn't show up until you're on the edge of things becoming a problem.

How to Manage Procrastination (Without Beating Yourself Up)

1. Start With Self-Compassion

You can't shame yourself into change.

Be curious. You’re not lazy—you’re overwhelmed, scared, or stuck.

Shame fuels procrastination. Compassion disarms it. Instead of saying, “Why can’t I just do this?”, try, “What’s making this feel hard right now?”

2. Break the Task Into Micro-Steps

ADHD and trauma-friendly advice: break the task down into the smallest step possible.
Not “write the report.”
Try: “Open Google Docs.”
Or even: “Turn on the computer.”

3. Use Timers and Anchors

  • Pomodoro technique: 25 min work / 5 min break

  • Body doubling: Work next to a friend (virtually or IRL)

  • Anchor in time: Tie tasks to something real (“After lunch, I’ll send the email”)

4. Externalize the Task

  • Write it down

  • Talk it out

  • Use a whiteboard, sticky notes, or a visual planner—something you can see

Brains that struggle with object permanence need visible cues. (Out of sight = totally out of mind.)

5. Regulate Before You Initiate

Sometimes your nervous system isn’t ready. If you’re frozen, try:

Regulate first, then act.

6. Make It Fun, Social, or Meaningful

Boredom kills motivation. Ask:

  • Can I gamify this?

  • Can I do it with someone?

  • Can I connect it to a value I care about?

Even something small—like using fancy pens, music, or a reward—can help shift the emotional tone.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken or Lazy

Procrastination isn’t a personal flaw. It’s not about willpower.

It’s often a sign that something deeper needs your attention. It’s a protective pattern. It’s your body and brain trying to help you feel safe, avoid shame, or conserve energy.

The work isn’t to “stop procrastinating”—it’s to understand what it’s trying to tell you, and to gently support yourself in moving forward.

Some days, that’ll mean big progress. Other days, it’ll be a single sentence written, a tab opened, a deep breath taken.

So if you’re stuck today, start small. Pick one thing. One tiny action. One breath.

And that’s enough.

You’re enough.

Want to Go Deeper?

Here are a few resources you might love:

If this post resonated with you, feel free to share it, connect on Instagram for more content, or get in touch to get support if working through how procrastination shows up for you.

You're not alone—and you're doing better than you think.

Gemma Mestroni
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Depression